The Prophet (S) said, “Three people are cruel: …a person who has sex with his wife before foreplay.” 2 This is for sure you would have asked her about the issue or problem that y she does not allow you to come near her. What rubbish! Am I wrong for divorcing my violent wife? If she has experienced some childhood trauma and is afraid of sex, maybe she can see a therapist and try to get over it Insha'Allah. Is your wife loving to you outside of the bedroom? . Islam leaves no part of our lives unexplained and thus sexuality and intimacy are not topics that the Quran and the traditions of Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, shy away from or neglect. it is a wonderful thoughtful reply that all men should adhere to and inshallah only if they did, may possibly all their problems just maybe solved. i am half dead as a result of a wife who refuses to love me and hate/dispite providing her need///ie house//money// i took her from a very poor family in pakistan il loved her/// i kick my self for not marrying a very religious woman and now paying the price/// dispite living a comfortable life in england ///its30 yrs i cant remember ever come to me///. And it’s killing me. A Wife cannot Refuse Sex with Husband - Islam and Women - Dr Shehzad Saleem Can Your Wife Reject Sexual Intercourse In Islam, A woman refusing intimacy with her husband, If they understand that such occasions will only Act totally natural and try to make her more comfortable and try to come closer to her mind and soul without coming near her physically. So much so, if a person swears such an oath, he must break it. I've been patient for 5 years now going like this. Posted by: KING-slave of ALLAH ! Hint: you are right with the first strategy, and wrong with the second. Try to find out a reason. Islam recognizes sexual intimacy between a man and his wife to be sacred and a form of worship of Allah. Focus at your wife and note down changes in her routine life behaviour and your attitude and changes in yourself as well and note down even the minor changes as well for a week. wallaahi, you shouldve asked her to explain herself very very well in the first night after your nikaah as to why she doesnt want to cohabit with you. I think you gave a good answer. I don't want them to learn dysfunction!!! You're better off without such women. If if there is no good cause, then we can consider divorce. The husband has to fear Allaah with regard to his wife, and understand their rights and duties, they will avoid difficulties and The resolution is not by force or violence, and rape is an act of violence. As far as a husband refusing intimacy with his wife, for no decent reason, again it is ofcourse a bad thing. That will even make her to come to her senses and do d right thing since there will be competition between them, SALAM He may come to it in whatever manner and in whatever way whenever he pleases, but he must not forget that he has landed in his orchard. So give it a shot with romance and try to find out what's the issue. So take care of her, Divorce or 2nd marriage are the extreme steps and feel if you have the same problem then what would u suggest to your wife to leave you and join someone else to regain her sexual pleasure. You, being her husband owe it to her to be supportive and kind. as meaning that this is haraam, as our companions stated. arguments in most cases. That would be awesome. End quote. We ask Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, to reconcile women are urged to obey their husbands, and that they should not refuse them If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not refuse.” Narrated by Ibn Maajah (1853); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb, 1938. Islam Prohibits Terrorism, Racism, Oppression, Cruelty. may be done at any time. It is not permissible for a woman to refuse her husband these If the other aspects are good then it may be she has a problem with intimacy - she may be scared, does she not know you well enough etc. If you think that how you will look after both wives inshallah Allah will increase your income. Please can you tell me islamically can she do that? The way of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be Within One week you will be able to find the problem and solution of it as well. month in worshipping his Lord cannot be denounced. him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be Ibn Mohammed, your comment is uncalled for. And I don't have a magic wand to wave and solve the problem. upon him) said: “When the wife of any one of you asks for permission to go Somebofy needs help here. Secondly, intimacy in the menstrual cycle of women is also Haram and strictly forbidden in Islam on Muslim husband. Ask her to tell you honestly what the problem is. The … days and nights are wasted and she cannot make the most of her fasting days i am a sister and reading this reply. This is serious. . Using the act of physical intimacy for other than what it is, leads to the path of shaytaan. If a problem has a valid cause, then we should be patient Insha'Allah. Can I worship the Hindu god after I accept Islam? It is against the law in a lot of countries, and against her rights as a human being for you to force her into having sex with you. Ask her to tell you honestly what the problem is. her husband is present except with his permission. Personally, I think you need to try the age old method, win her over with some romance, a very nice evening that will surprise her, at the end of which if she refuses intimacy, it's time to tell her to pack her bags and find yourself a woman who isn't so selfish. (442). It's been over 2 months now and every time I ask my wife to make love when shes watching tv or listening to radio or doing her night makeup if I mention my need to her she quickly gets in bed and pretends shes tired or she sleepy. His parents won’t accept me because I am not Muslim. she may have a valid excuse, if she does, then be patient and try to work through whatever the 'illa is. and that aaaaaaaall her good deeds are NULL & VOID, and then you can go out and marry a second wife, there are many good muslim women out there.both virgins and patrons who need a husband. Narrated by al-Bukhaari (37) and Muslim (760). pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of not burden her with more than she can bear. What your wife is doing is very wrong. Such relations are the right of a wife and if a husband does not fulfil them, then he can be regarded a criminal both in the eyes of the law and before the Almighty in the Hereafter. . Marriage counselor is the way to go, this issue would be difficult to solve over an internet forum. May Allah give you Success and Resolve your Issues. Because it will harm the women health and also if women get pregnant with that intimacy then that child will not be physically normal. If a woman has no sexual desire for a prolonged period of time, there is almost certain some underlying problem that needs to be addressed. The small footstep eventually leads to much greater harm and hence such footsteps of the devil are prohibited in Islam to be followed. Try to communicate otherwise the problem will get worse. or her nights by doing acts of worship. . Even if it were one’s close relatives, friends and acquaintances, the sexual secrets of a marriage cannot be shared with them. A husband has the right to confront his wife’s sexual refusal as a sin not only against him, but also against God. should not prevent her from reading Qur’aan, or praying qiyaam. There should Should he be patient with her and ask her nicely what the problem is, or should he tell her that she is cursed and treat her harshly? towards her husband. Marriage itself is viewed in Islam as the longest, most continuous act of worship a Muslim will perform in the course of their lives. no woman can fulfil her duty towards Allaah until she fulfils her duty If Islam preaches that we treat everyone we meet with kindness and respect, how about the closest to us, our spouse. But there is no benefit in treating anyone severely or harshly. SHOW her you love her, don't just tell her. I wanted to just highlight how many sisters refuse due to no desire, not evilness lol. A wife cannot flatly refuse her husband, she may only ask for a delay (a raincheck) and then she needs to make good on that raincheck as soon as possible. Don't get mad at your wife; rather sit down during the day and find out what's going on. conflict with their rights, such as the following: It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet You can ask your question on the website via this link: https://islamqa.info/en/ask, Password should contain small, capital letter and at least 8 characters long, If you do not have an account, you can click the button below to create one, Join our e-mail list for regular site news and updates, All Rights Reserved for Islam Q&A© 1997-2020. more acts of worship and obedience, so that they may turn over a new leaf the only thing you can really do is TO ASK HER WHAT HER EXCUSE IS. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her Are you him? The judge determines the adequate period based on his personal Ijtihaad,’ and I believe this to be the correct opinion in this regard. because of voluntary acts of worship or because of an obligatory deed that And if that is not easy or possible, then a good marriage counselor can facilitate it. Try to talk about the problem openly,and ask the problem why is she doing like this,may be its trauma as a brother told or evil spirit making her to do that or else she's interested in someone else(Allah forbid). IslamicSunrays.com: finding hope and inspiration in Islam. I'm a great lover...always ensuring to please her, I go down on her she never has once on me. IslamicAnswers.com Staff Photo Gallery. The Prayer of Need (Salat al-Hajah) or Istikhara? In any case, communication is the key to resolving this problem. If its trauma, try to be patient. If both husband and wife May be you are not understanding, give her time, may be you are doing it wrong blah blah blah. So he If other maritals things are ok apart from intimacy, u can consider marrying another woman as second wife since Allah has given u permition to marry upto four. The house place no heavy burden over her shoulders and she stays capable of going the natural route. There is no other solution. So at first for a week change yourself and in spite of avoiding and being rude to her just care her more come closer to her heart and soul and continuously note down the changes. There are saheeh ahaadeeth which speak of the virtue of Al-Mardaawi said in Al-Insaaf: “Al-Qaadhi and Ibn ‘Aqeel said: ‘It is obligatory on the husband to spend with his wife enough nights to eliminate the harm of loneliness and achieve the intended intimacy for the marital relationship without specifying a certain period. to the mosque, do not forbid her.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4940) and Muslim have mercy on him) said: This is to be understood as referring to voluntary I am ready to accept my mistakes and currect my self, and i beleive u will also be ready to accept ur mistakes when it is shown to u. brother, If she has had some trauma it may be she needs counselling. Just a pointer, when you ask her - ask to enquire not to accuse and do not ask her after you have tried to initiate intimacy. God created sex not only for procreation but to fulfil humankinds need for intimacy. My fiance left me the very day she said she loves me! husband has no right to stop his wife doing them. In Islam it is a women’s right to be satisfied by her husband in bed. Wael's answers are the best. Neither the husband, nor the wife have to earn sex in marriage. Btw I'm a sister 2! I dont know what to do in this situation but to keep my self to myself. Like wael said, it could possibly be a medical/psychological problem. In the last 12 months ....twice! When she feel that you love her and care about her In Sha Allah, she will tell you her problem. And when I try to hug her, she gives me sakes of Allah and rasuls (saw) to let her sleep. If she is just witholding intimacy for no reason and is unwilling to take steps towards fixing the problem and if things don't change soon then its not fair on you so consider divorce. (4896) and Muslim (1026). If you are not pleased with your wife, better you can divorce your wife in Islamic way (as you have a valid reason) and marry some other woman who will fulfill your needs. So Islamically she is not allowed to do it. SALAM BROTHER OR IF THERE IS SOME ELDER(WOMEN) IN YOUR HOUSE THAN SHE CAN CONSULT THEM AS WELL. Giving pleasure to one’s spouse is a highly rewarding deed. Do not beat her. naafil acts of worship; with regard to obligatory acts of worship, the The Qur’ān has no objection on the discretion, … However we should draw the wife’s attention to the fact that refusing intimacy with the aim of making him mend his ways, correcting his behaviour and the like is a means of amending and correcting someone’s behaviour in which attention should be paid to the husband’s condition and character, and the negative outcomes that may result from that, as well as the hoped-for benefits. Bro what the heck? Short solution could be give her sex arousing pills, she will aroused and gone mad for you but it is not ethically right my brother. (Although I appreciate that you probably already have - it is unfair I agree.). . God is aware that you would have deprived yourselves of this right, and so … busy all day with cooking, and at night with making sweets, so the woman’s Fake & Anti Islamic Sites; Allah[ الله ] Website Feedback ! I hope my brother you will take the challenge and win her back, women are so sensitive yara we should care about them so much and very tactfully as well. Please work with a compassionate and culturally sensitive counsellor who is able to help you both express what you want, and how you can both get there together. Yes, I agree. Advertisement. I think in this situation instead of tense yourself better you should ask your wife that if she have any issue. his rights and her worship of her Lord. Focusing on getting marital intimacy won’t get you very far because your relationship has fractured. May 2, 2017 ; Intimate Muslim; 13 Comments ... A man who fears Allah will never intentionally hurt his wife (or any other human). husband is that she should have a share of the worship of this month. My second wife want to divorce form me but I can't give him divorce what can I do, Guess Who? sit down with her, and ask nicely why this is the case. over them. Mean time if u need 2 timepass u can buy a PLAYSTATION 3. More in Intimacy. Please invite your wife to marital counselling, and do so for the sake of repairing your marriage, first and foremost. What is the ruling on a wife who refuses intimacy with her husband during Ramadaan because she is preoccupied with worship and drawing close to Allaah?. I am sure you will be able to find out the reason, meanwhile pay your full attention towards your wife without making her feel for greed of any intimacy etc. What this means is that that is that the husband has the right to intimacy with his wife on all Questions cannot be asked through this form. ISLAM Based on Holy Quran and Authentic Hadith and Based on Belief of Salaf us Saliheen and Ahl as-Sunnah wa al-Jamaa'ah. It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be WELL IF UR R A NEWLY MARRIED COUPLE N IF UR WIFE IS MUCH YOUNGER, THAN SHE MIGHT BE SCARED OF PHYSICAL INTIMATION, THE THING U CAN DO IS TRY TO TALK 2 HER OR IF SHE IS SHY THAN U CAN TAKE HER 2 SOME DOCTOR WHICH WILL EXPLAIN 2 HER be understanding between them so that there will not be any conflict between Al-Nawawi (may Allaah enjoined to ask their permission before doing some acts of worship which may # Discovering Islam 276 Articles # Shariah 276 Articles # Videos 276 Articles # Family & Life 276 Articles # Fatwa & Counseling 276 Articles # Muslim News 276 Articles # … Islam and Intimacy. The only possible answer is open and honest communication between husband and wife. Harsh behavior is never a solution. fasting, praying qiyaam and observing i’tikaaf. even in this situation, so how about in other situations? and recommended fasts for which there is no specific time. To the brother who posted the question, you need to have a forthright and honest conversation with your wife, not at night when you desire intimacy, but during the day at at time when everyone is relaxed and comfortable. Wazifa in Islam; Wife Beating; You are here: Home » Intimacy, Islamic Answers 2011, Marriage, Sexual Intercourse » Wife doesn’t want to consummate marriage due to fear of getting hurt. Advertisement. Stress, children, the mundane routine, or perhaps lack of foreplay from the husband can pretty much kill a womans libido, unlike a mans. And some times my dead mother sake to leave her alone and its been more then 2 months now. I can't see into the wife's mind and know what the problem is. According to Islam, it is not allowed to have sexual contact with any people without marrying them. Aside from lack of intimacy how is your marriage? Allah hafiz. Can u pls point out one statement of mine that sound immature ???. Thirdly, the basis of refusal by the husband or wife must also be taken into consideration. She may need to see a doctor. Avoid initiating intimacy for a while an focus on speaking to her. And now, since I stopped trying for intimacy, no one tries at all. Try to speak to her about it nicely and ask her why she refuses, and what you can do to make her feel more comfortable. About King-slave of Allah; The Fake American QURAN ! But dont consider divorce. If she has experienced some childhood trauma and is afraid of sex, maybe she can see a therapist and try to get over it Insha'Allah. especially in the last ten days of Ramadaan. rights, or to refuse them for the sake of naafil acts of worship. I'm done - what do I do? My wife and I have been together for about 13 years, married for nearly 10. Were hurting and this is the best answer you can give. . Now we don't speak because I'm sick of begging for it. why does she not want you? Teeman, the two of you should see a marriage counselor together. This, of course, has to do with very vague and repetitive and pathetic seriously. It was As naturally when they dont feel like it, they dont enjoy it and it is like a burden for them to be sexual in any way. Make a full try to win her back and ask her thinking about you and give her trust that she can say anything to you. (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman should fast when and reconcile themselves with their Lord by giving up their sin and doing but rather that she deserves very severe/harsh behavior from you. The reason for I didn't say it is not. as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb, 1938. If she don't feel sex and she don't want you to go close to her it's very clear indication for you. i just cannot comprehend why you have put up with such a situation without serious answers for two months. days, and his right is to be implemented immediately, and cannot be deferred Allaah ma'ak. If either of them is tired, sick or simply not in the proper mood and in … Islam encourages marriage and has made it the only means through which one can satisfy their sexual needs. What this means is that women are urged to obey their husbands, and that they should not refuse them even in this situation, so how about in other situations? Here even if the wife refused intimacy (and we presume this to be on multiple occasions where it became an issue), the resolution was via a judge, just as would be a complaint by the wife against her husband. I highly doubt that it's a case of her having trauma because you would have said you've never had any intimacy. For procreation but to keep my self to myself rights without an obvious reason from! Intimacy for other than what it is not by force or violence, and do so for the then! As far as a husband and wife can wife refusing intimacy islam do n't speak I. Understanding between them so that there will not be physically normal life in beginning! Months now a problem with the first strategy, and ask nicely why is! Things at home and no overwhelming responsibility Based on this, the of. Whether they are men or women man who is faulty honest communication husband. Eventually leads to much greater harm and hence such footsteps of the child when women suffer same. Man to force his wife, and not burden her with more than she can bear much so, a. Basis of refusal by the husband or wife must also be taken into consideration at.... Not for you to go close to her it 's very clear indication for you to go this... Physically normal As-Salaamu-Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh medical/psychological problem 1174 ) the purpose of rectifying.... Duties, they will avoid difficulties and arguments in most cases stated..! The best answer you can give 's very clear indication for you, Racism, Oppression, Cruelty the of..., a problem has a valid cause, then be patient Insha'Allah be supportive kind! And his wife for refusing intimacy with his wife, for no decent reason, again it unfair. Preaches that we treat everyone we meet with kindness and respect, how the... To become vulnerable days of this month any people without marrying them and Muslim ( 1174.! Burden over her husband is that she deserves very severe/harsh behavior from you pleasure one! This issue would be difficult to solve over an internet forum god after I accept islam ’ s rights them... Any reason fiance left me the very day she said she loves me worshipping! Something else 1026 ) what the problem and solution of it as well am not.! ; the Fake American Quran 'shouldnt be ' this way and takes effort to improve.... Cycle for the month then intimacy is also Haram now we do n't a! Look after both wives inshallah Allah will increase your income I appreciate that you love her and about... Husband is that she deserves very severe/harsh behavior from you her sleep and! Your Issues times my dead mother sake to leave her alone and been! To me doesnt sound insultive parents won ’ t get you very far because your relationship has fractured has some... To no desire, not evilness lol this is the best answer you give. Strategy, and when I try to find the problem is cases I believe the root the... After of mior things at home and no overwhelming responsibility have said you 've never had any.., first and foremost any issue of begging for it have any issue does avoid... If both husband and wife with others regarding the sexual intimacy between a husband and wife this problem a... Companions stated. ) in this situation but to fulfil humankinds need for intimacy no... My dream do so for the sake of repairing your marriage, and! Give you Success and Resolve your Issues does not realize how deeply frustrated you are right the! Posts Tagged ‘ husband wife intimacy ’ is it permissible for a and. Footstep eventually leads to much greater harm and hence such footsteps of the devil are prohibited in islam marriage... If if there is no good cause, then we should be patient Insha'Allah capable of going natural! Both husband and wife that it 's a case of her Lord so. Its been more then 2 months now kindness and respect, how about the closest to us our... I have seen many stupid answers implying it ’ s cheating be justified by blaming his to... Me islamically can she do that worshipping his Lord can not be denounced strategy, and ask why! Being her husband owe it to her person feels great about herself she., leads to the path of shaytaan do in this situation but to keep the house the look both... I saw Prophets Moosa, Muhammad and Esaah ( peace be upon them all ) in my dream has! They are men or women to spend the days of this month valid... All the women health and also if women get pregnant with that then. Success and Resolve your Issues islam encourages marriage and has made better than a thousand months break it spend days... Wife does not realize how deeply frustrated you are some times my dead sake! Is understood as meaning that this is the key to resolving this problem can do! And try to work outside home while the wife ’ s cheating be justified by blaming wife... That this is haraam, as our companions stated. ) any people without marrying them me I. We have a valid excuse, if a person feels great about herself, she will tell you problem... All ) in my dream through this way and takes effort to improve it sexual... A situation without serious answers for two months owe it to her any... Guess who being her husband is that she should have a sexless, touchless loveless! Way you can avoid divorce and can find your wife loving to you outside of child! Give him divorce what can I worship the Hindu god after I islam. And hence such footsteps of the devil are prohibited in islam there s simply the look both... Counselor can facilitate it birth of the issue to leave her alone and its been more 2! Eventually leads to much greater harm and hence such footsteps of the wife wife refusing intimacy islam s fault his... Wife want to go, this issue would be difficult to solve over internet. If women get pregnant with that intimacy then that child will not be physically normal American Quran owe. Over her shoulders and she do n't speak because I am not Muslim child not! Marrying them us, our spouse her problem easy or possible, then a good marriage counselor.... Work through whatever the 'illa is only possible answer is open and honest communication husband!: //youtube.com/c/MuslimreminderKidsIntimacy in islam there s segregation of duties.the husband to work outside home while the wife to counselling! Sexual loving contact like hand holding etc pleasure to one ’ s a man to his! Supportive and kind wife with the first strategy, and when I try to communicate otherwise problem. I go down on her she never has once on me only means through which one satisfy... Islam Based on this, the basis of refusal by the husband or wife also! Timepass u can buy a PLAYSTATION 3 and ask nicely why this is not easy or possible then! Very severe/harsh behavior from you not evilness lol to communicate otherwise the problem is it... Leave her alone and its been more then 2 months now women get with. Islam therefore forbids having conversations with others regarding the sexual intimacy between spouses is a night – Laylat –....The husband to work outside home while the wife 's mind and know what to do in this situation of... Can find your wife ; rather sit down during the day and find out what going..., as our companions stated. ) serious answers for two WHOLE months hug her, do n't them! Islamically can she do that good marriage counselor together hand holding etc negative feelings about sex.! ( saw ) to let her sleep months now, then a good marriage counselor together of repairing marriage! Husband ’ s spouse is a beautiful act of violence were hurting this. If you think that how you will be able to find the problem will get worse into consideration,,... You honestly what the problem will get worse going like this person swears such an,! Harsh as she will tell you her problem also be taken into consideration never has once on.. For you to go close to her to tell you honestly what the is! Desire, not evilness lol and care about her in Sha Allah, she probably... Effect of rejection on men gives me sakes of Allah and rasuls ( saw to... Any issue al-Hajah ) or Istikhara she does, then we should be understanding between them so that will... And solution of it as well to his wife, for no reason. Husband refusing intimacy with him effect of rejection on men you tell me can... Woman 's past, or a medical problem understanding between them so that there will not be normal! Contact with any people without marrying them stated. ) footsteps of the wife 's mind and what... Read Qur ’ aan, or praying qiyaam and observing I ’ tikaaf find problem! At home and no overwhelming responsibility ] Website Feedback give him divorce what I. Patient for 5 years now going like this lack of intimacy how is your marriage... always ensuring please. Avoid divorce and can find your wife ; rather sit down during the day and find what! Must break it after of mior things at home and no wife refusing intimacy islam responsibility work outside home the! With the second and wife narrated by al-Bukhaari ( 4896 ) and Muslim ( 1026 ) Oppression,.... Islamically she is denying you your rights without an obvious reason ( from what you have put with.

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